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Записи с темой: rpg (список заголовков)
01:30 

Убийца эльфов

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Часть 1
Часть 2
Часть 3
Часть 4
Часть 5

звиняйте, если старье
я хотел дописать, как и почему вышеприведенное круто, но мне нереально плохо, поэтому пока как есть
осторожно, это архив форума, встречаются посты идиотов

@темы: rpg

13:06 

Спать хочу.

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Вылез почитать комментарии на новостном сайте. Ну и говно же у людей в головах, даже репостить противно.
Некоторые комментарии, что характерно, удалены модератором. Надо думать, за мат.
А на нашем маленьком участке Интернетов могут заявить модератору на пост, если в нем вместо "любить тебя, и пососи бочку леденцов" будет написано "ну, ты, конечно, имеешь право на свое мнение..."
И поэтому идиоты от нас бегут.

Вот кстати новый репост.

"Важно понимать, что желания людей по природе своей нерациональны и противоречивы и вы в действительности не можете удовлетворить все. В смысле, да бля, людям нравится, когда атрибуты (персонажа - AdR) имеют "большое значение" и им не нравится получать минусы за их расстановку в другой последовательности (приоритетов - AdR). Задумайтесь. То есть, эти два явления - одно и то же, только обозреваемое с противоположных точек. И все же люди будут говорить, что они любят одно и ненавидят другое в одном и том же предложении. И что хуже, они вас не наебывают, они действительно так чувствуют.

"Людям нравятся случайные статы, так как это делает их чара уникальным, делает генерацию чара мини-игрой, полной открытий и достижений. Но они ненавидят случайные статы, потому что это не позволяет им играть тем, кем они хотят. То есть, если они случайным образом выкинут именно то, что хотят - они счастливы. Но если другие выкинут то же самое или они не получат то, что хотят, им грустно. Нельзя сделать игру, которая соответствует настоящим желаниям людей, потому что их настоящее желание - дать Эленнсара*: чтобы нечто было по-настоящему редким и трудным, но их собственная попытка удалась.

"Как ни крути, Вы должны отказывать людям в их пламенных желаниях, потому что их настоящее желание дебильно и неисполнимо."

-Фрэнк


*Эленнсар - бывший участник TGDMB, прославившийся незнанием математики, проявившемся, в частности, в попытке сделать игру про войну с долгоиграющими персонажами и исторически верной статистикой боевых потерь.

@темы: repost, rpg

11:53 

Deathwatch RPG, ревью

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
репост, переложение
оригинал

Deathwatch RPG


Во многом лучше, чем Dark Heresy, но завязла в тех же проблемах.

Что хорошо (в отличие от DH):
1. Как обыгрываетcя концепт сборной партии "kill-team".
2. Правила согласованности (командная тактика).
3. Более фокусированная цель: прибыть на точку и надавать всем в рыло.
(Примечание: это не значит, что хороши игры только про давание в рыло; это значит, что игра Deathwatch знает, о чем она.)
4. Наличие статов и шмота, достаточных для выполнения цели.

Командная тактика. У вас есть некоторое количество очков "согласованности", которые командир отряда может тратить на активацию способности до конца миссии. Есть способы получить очки по ходу миссии и случаи уменьшения числа очков. Бойцы входят и выходят из командного режима чтобы или использовать командные способности, либо способности, которые дает их собственный чаптер. Идея интересная, не добавляет много математики, способности сбалансированы между атакой и защитой.

Сеттинг и качество прозы: хорошие, как и в других ролевках по WH40k. У авторов получается сделать нечто интересное с космическими десантниками, самыми скучными персонажами сеттинга. Поскольку килл-тимы собираются из разных чаптеров, у каждого сопартийца разных подход к ведению боя, за рамками взятого класса. Реальная философия боя отражает, как разные люди формируют единый слаженный отряд, больший суммы частей, и механика соответствует этой философии. Есть причины быть в соло-режиме, есть много причин быть в групповом режиме. Вход в групповой режим не обязательно автоматический, и из него можно выпасть, отделившись от группы, или вследствие потери боевого духа от особенно пакостных атак противника, или через привлекательность индивидуальных способностей чаптера, большинство из которых не работают в отряде.

Что плохо: тупая механика DH возвращается в инкарнации "еще тупее", с навешанной на нее тучей неуклюжих хаков для отражения супермегастатов десантника, и еще одной тучей хаков, чтобы увеличить сложность до играбельного уровня.
Ваши статы получают "бонус", равный числу десятков стата. То есть, например, если ваша сила 34, то бонус — 3. Добавляете 3 дамага к атакам и проч.

Есть фичи вроде "сверхъестественной силы", или ловкости, или стойкости. Они удваивают бонус, то есть с силой 34 он составит 6, а не 3.

У десантников есть сверхъестественная сила (что понятно) И стойкость (что бред). Еще они кидают начальные статы в диапазоне 40-60, и с рейтингом их моторизованной брони, равным 12, мы смотрим на 18-20 сока (soak, уменьшение урона) с каждой атакой. Таким образом, потенциальный урон увеличен, и бой превращается в геморрой. Например, у всех болтеров есть способность "разрывание", означающая, что вы бросаете дайсы 2 раза и засчитывается больший результат. Плюс урон может взрываться для каждого дайса (подтверждение второй атаки, один бросок атаки на дайс). Почти все болтеры делают 2d10 с мелочью и имеют разрывание. Это значит, что на каждый выстрел нужно кинуть 4d10, выбрать два наибольших, и господи помоги, если дайсы взорвутся.

Это почти приемлемо для игрового процесса для одинарных выстрелов, но в полном автоматическом превращается в бред. За каждые 10 пунктов на процентнике, на которые вы превышаете предел попадания, вы попадаете еще одной пулей. Поскольку ваши статы изначально 50-70, и еще +20 дается за авто-атаку, вы попадете, и попадете на много. 5-8 ран от одной полной автоматической атаки бывает нередко даже в DH, где чары кидают статы 30-40. И для каждой пули мы смотрим на 4d10, выбрать два наибольших, и, если вымаксовывается, кинуть на взрыв. Это очень долго. Типа 15 минут на одну атаку из тяжелого болтера. В Dark Heresy можно было сэкономить, сказав "ууу, ёпта... чварк, дамаг за сотню". В Deathwatch, у всех бредовый армор и стойкость, у жирных врагов сотни хп, поэтому придется кидать это полностью.

Орды - интересная концепция: они представляют собой десятки - тысячи единиц пушечного мяса. По ним легко попать, но трудно повредить без непрерывной стрельбы, флеймеров или взрывного оружия. Они бьют "на износ", и хотя не опасны сами по себе, хорошо сочетаются с жирными тварями, разделяя внимание партии. Однако, их невозможно адекватно представить на карте (как на сетке показать окружающие вас 4000 орков?), и на самом деле они играют роль кочек на дороге или медленного износа и в итоге — ерунда.

Ракурс игры ограничен, что одновременно и плюс, и минус. Плюс - потому что десантники делают бой (если не считать кучи дайсов, которые необходимо кидать) достаточно интересным, давая возможность партии работать сообща или как независимые крутые ребята. Однако, кроме того, чтобы высадиться в зоне боя и убить все вокруг, делать-то в общем и нечего. Можно свернуть Deathwatch в существующую игру, дав игрокам возможность рулить отрядом, чтобы они могли засылать десант, когда дело пахнет керосином - это разнообразит игру. Долговременная кампания в Deathwatch не представляется особенно восхитительной.

Что выводит к следующей проблеме. Прокачка медленная - даже медленнее, чем в DH. Вы все еще получаете немного каждую сессию или через сессию, так что плюшки поступают регулярно, но уровни приходят реже, поэтому из обраниченного списка предстоит выбирать дольше. Экспу предполагается выдавать все так же - 100 xp за час игры, поэтому вымаксовывание займет 200-400 часов (после этого еще можно получать xp и улучшать персонажа, но опции закончатся). К счастью, варианты развитися сбалансированы: можно выбирать из 3 типов развития - "chapter", "class" (тактик, штурмовик, уничтожитель, врач) и "deathwatch". На каждом уровне где-то 15 фичей, но покупать нужно *много*, так что если в начале есть некислая проблема выбора, по мере роста в уровне вы возвращаетесь к тому же списку. На взгляд это некруто, как играется - не знаю, для этого нужно поиграть кампанию и понять, как это выглядит за столом.

Нет правил для создания чаптеров (скоро выпустят... бу!) и противников на уровне "deathwatch" (снова - бу!), но если у вас есть экран ГМа для Dark Heresy, можно легко генерить орды (экран для Deathwatch почти такой же): берем одну единицу пушечного мяса и меняем хп на величину орды. Если у вас есть Dark Heresy и Rogue Trader, то это куча опций для орд. А так монстров в книге немного: несколько тиранидов, Тау, жирные представители хаоса. Орки есть в Dark Heresy, эльдары, даркэльдары и прочая радость в других книгах; Некроны - единственная непредставленная фракция варгейма.

Наконец, Deathwatch плохо сочетается с двумя другими играми. Крутой боец в Dark Heresy - шутка в Deathwatch. Чары Deathwatch начинают игру на 1 уровне как эквиваленты 15000-эксповых чаров Dark Heresy, то есть полных инквизиторов и агентов трона из Ascension. В Rogue Trader это, кажется, 8-12 уровень. Шкала способностей просто на другом уровне, и хотя системы формально позволяют кросс-игры, десантники будут попеременно рвать всех и все в бою (более 90% противников из Dark Heresy не могут сделать десантнику вообще ничего) и зевать вне боя.

Все же для игры на 1 раз типа "замочить всё, что движется, а что не движется, толкнуть и замочить" Deathwatch подходит, если вы переварите хреновую механику. Если бы они отбросили философию "вдохновлена старой системой Warhammer Fantasy", была бы мегаигра про зачистку данженов в гримдарке. Написано хорошо, сеттинг занятный, вышибать мозги всем и вся - круто.

@темы: RPG, tabletop, ревью

16:17 

Online roleplaying

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
This day is fantastic. ED delivers:

Online Roleplaying is an activity invented by a mixture of basement-dwellers whose skin has fused with their desk chairs and rendered them incapable of going outside to LARP and furries who can’t afford fursuits. Roleplay sites are different than most profoundly retarded internet collectives in the fact that every single roleplayer is a woman. Every roleplayer that claims to be male is a particularly homely girl pretending to have a dick for attention or a bulldyke manly enough to pass off as a dude. Strangely enough, these fake men are always inflicted with the male form of ‘girl on the internet syndrome’, parading their imaginary WAT around and incessantly mentioning their fabricated WAT-induced sex lives. This, combined with the gargantuan amounts of weaboos, furries, basement-dwellers, self-important nobodies, teen girls, shitty artists and sexual deviants within the roleplaying community makes it one of the most terrifying and mind-scarring subcultures on the internet.

@темы: ED, rpg

00:23 

С песней по жизни

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Кто в курсе - знает, что хард на два тера мне помогали вызволять очень уважаемые люди и натерпелись при этом всякого. А вот ценный плеер мы не спасли. Сегодня восстанавливал пропавшую музыку. Нарыл вот это:

This Game Is Real


Oh, I'm a computer gamer,
there's nothing I won't play,
Pac-Man, Mario, Star Trek Battles
I played them every day.
I played with speed and style,
I racked up a super score,
until the Secret Service came
and knocked down my front door.*

The stole my whole computer
and all my disks and games,
they called me a hacker cracker
and lots of weirder names
they busted me for intention
to hack all kinds of junk
but all the evidence they could find
was a game called 'Cyberpunk'.

Ref.:
Ya'gotta wonder 'bout these people
and what they think and feel,
They can't tell a game from real life
they think this game is real.

(aside:
God help us, there go the government...)


I'm a fantasy roleplaying gamer,
I play them whenever I can,
I like Dungeons and Dragons,
Runequest and Shadowland.
I played as kings and Vikings
wizards, elves and more
until a bunch of fundies came
and kicked down my front door.

They stole my dice and game books
they called it a book of spells,
they said I was conjuring demons
and things too weird to tell.
They burned my books and papers
they almost burned me too,
they really believed in magic,
they thought that stuff was true!

Ref.

(aside:
True story...
Why do you think Dungeons and Dragons
got turned to "Advanced D&D"**,
with the names changed
and the serial numbers filed off
and nothing cool left
to redeem it anymore.)


Oh, I'm a live roleplaying gamer
I used to play out in the wood
Twilight 2000 and Shadowrun
I played whenever I could.
I'd put on my costume and shoot tin cans
and make firecrackers fly
then my door got kicked down again
this time it was the FBI.

They stole my guns, my video tapes,
and every book I'd ever read,
and a couple bags of fertilizer
out of the garbage shed.
They told the press I was a terrorist
and planned to blow up half the town,
they called me a raving militia nut
and a neo-nazi clown. (aside: huh?)

Ref.

Ya'gotta wonder about these people
and just how they get by,
if they can't tell the truth from fantasy
do they even know it when they lie?


* Steve Jackson Games, the publisher of GURPS and Munchkin, was actually raided by the Secret Service.
**Gygax made Advanced D&D 1e in order to not share the profits with Arneson. True story.

@темы: RPG

20:49 

I remember Kjellmir Bloodskull

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
репост

PREFACE

This is not my story. This is the story of Wasteland Warrior, as told by Wasteland Warrior himself, and I was there to hear it. The thread is also epic, having started with troll shit and resulted in 8.5 metric fucktons of concentrated awesome. If you're wondering if the awesome actually transpired, the link is here and I reiterate, it starts with troll shit so don't click if you ain't able to take it in stride.

For your convenience, I reposted the actual text of the story in this here blog, on account of WW saying,
"Brings a smile to my heart to see the story is still being passed around."

It goes like this:




I used to game with a bunch of chuds, mostly because the alternatives were furries or even more chuds. One day I found a group that met kind of in secret, so to avoid the chuds. I joined and we had some fun times, the DM was creative and we meshed well. We had hardcore interparty conflict but we all rollplayed pretty well. One day one of the chuds found out about our game, and the dm let him play, because he had a rule: "everyone gets at least 2 sessions before he gets the boot."

The fucker repays his kindness by rolling up a kender rogue, even though our party already had a rogue and a bard/rogue in it. He precedes to steal anything that isnt nailed down, including at one point the paladin's holy avenger. In character we threaten him and tell him if he fucks with any of our shit we will kill him. No one went through with the threat, and the paladin spent his time babysitting him and convincing the rest of the party that even though he was a pain, he was still helping us.

He assumed i had nothing of value to steal, (low magic campaign, with the exception of the paladin's badass sword and my ring the only other magic item the party possessed was the bard's flute) untill he noted that I wasn't buying rations when we were getting ready to head out, and i explained I had a magic ring that let me go without rest or sustenance.

The little prick took it off of me because he thought it would be funny to watch me get hungry, probably so he would have an excuse to steal rations and give them to me, because shit like that would be endearing or something. I have to beg my fellow party members for food and water, which sucked because the rest of the party was angry at my character for going beserk in battle and killing a friendly cleric when she tried to calm me down. Finally the little asswipe decided to wear the ring in front of me and explain how he was a master thief and how even a mighty warrior could be humbled by a lowly thief. I made good on an earlier promise and charged him (shock trooper ftw) and put the little bastard deep into the negatives. He flipped shit, but the paladin and the rest of the party was happy to be rid of him, and since he did jeopardize my life my murdering him, though an evil act, was understandable. He got really pissy about how Paladins can't adventure with evil PCs and the DM kept explaining DM caveats while the rest of the party, in character, started talking about how it was good to be rid of the vermin and started warming back up to me. In revenge he wrote up a new rogue, "just to show us." Me and the bard ended up getting the rogue lynched in the next session. It took him two more characters to get the hint.

So decides to roll up an assassin, now with my character being the exception (NE) the rest of the party was good oriented. I know how to play evil characters who aren't just "hurr durr rape time," he did not. He was using some splat book that had bipedal cheetas or something in it and had a massive dex bonus. His new character's backstory was "he was hired to kill the party" and that was about it. I didn't know this at the time. I just remember the dm and him having a conversation in whispers while the DM kept sighing. So the nest session starts with us entering the town we were traveling to. We payed for our rooms and our characters had a good meal and plenty of wine to celebrate getting out of the wastes intact, with the exception of the kender who's head i dropped off to his family when i had to make restitutions. We stumble upstairs for a good nights sleap when the new character starts rolling hide and move silent checks.

He felt betrayed by the paladin's player and me so he decided to off both of us, but not in a manly or awesome way. He wrapped the paladin's sword handle in hide and took it to my room. He tried to coup de grace me but the dm ruled since he wasn't holding the blade it would be an execution check (from the bovd) and he botched, leaing the sword in my chest but I was still alive. I woke up, grabbed the holy avenger, which burned the fuck out of my arm and left me permanently marked as evil, and tried to kill him with it. He made a run for it and I grappled with him. He was getting away so I told the DM that I was grabbing his tail. I made an attack against it and severed it near the ass. He escaped, but when the paladin woke up he alerted every temple to detain any cat people who came in with a missing tail for questioning. Sure enough me and the bard find him being held at a temple of pelor. The bard convinces the cleric to release him into our custody. We are taking him back to our cleric (who probably would have geased him or something) when the bard gets a great idea (CN actually working for us) that we were somehow more qualified to sort this out, as he tried to kill me and frame a paladin, who was generally beyond reproach.

So he writes down an epic speech for my character to read, denouncing the foul hellspawn, and telling of the wonderful accomplishments of the paladin, and how he was helping my character find redemption (which sort of happened, but once again, that's another story), even though I was clearly tainted by evil (the holy avenger turned the skin of my arm all zombie looking.) I delivered the speech, and he starts playing his flute to make my speech sound more believable. The flute allowed him to have his bardic music affect a lot more people then he normally could, and he's making them more and more attentive to what I say. When I finish the speech, the bard stops playing and asks the crowd "what do we do to murderers?"

The crowd responds with a hearty "WE HANG THEM" and they get to work. The bard strings him up and the angry crowd gets him up on a bench. I ask him if he has any last words. He goes on a tear about how we are deluded, and that his gods will make the whole world burn, starting with the paladin and his wretched friends. The paladin, unbeknown to us, heard the entire speech, and walked forward, so that the assassin could look at the man he planned to defraud. He pulled out the sword and told the assassin that if he took an oath before his blade, he would spare him. The assassin responded by spitting on the paladin in front of a crowd full of angry peasants. The paladin detects evil, then uses the sword to destroy the bench, making the assassin drop down. The dm rolled to see if he broke his neck and rolled low, so the fucker spent the next few seconds gasping for air and desperately making strength checks to break the bonds. He didn't make it and died.


The little shitstain then says something to the effect of "hah, tricked you, enjoy falling Paladin" only for the DM to say, "No, he performed a lawful execution of an evil assassin who tried to frame him for the murder of one of his best friends. The only thing miraculous that happens is you manage to void your bowels quietly enough for only half of the crowd to break out into laughter. He gets pissy because there wasn't a jury, while the Player of the paladin explains that the city was a theocracy and a council of good aligned churches ruled over, and as an agent of the church he was legally allowed to pass judgment. The assassin retorted with "you have no evidence" to which he replied "I watched you fight the man you tried to murder 12 hours ago, you were guilty" before the argument can go any further I remind the paladin that he is arguing with a dead man, and we can just ignore him. He angrily starts to scribe a new character while the rest of us move on.

So the party was in a town being besieged by orcs. My character was a NE fighter who worshipped Erythnul (my spelling is ass, so bare with me) and believed that the pursuit of power was the purest form of life, and that killing as many people in battle was the way to do it. Consequently he heard about a massive siege and decided to fight on the side of the town, because there would be more enemies to kill. I end up fighting back to back with the paladin. We are mutually impressed with each other's prowess and we spend the rest of the time teaming up, till we link up with the rest of the party and kill the orc general. Afterwards, my character does his after battle ritual of skinning the enemy and making a cloak from the remains. Whenever I killed something impressive, i made a new trophy. The Paladin detects evil and sure enough, i reek of it. He confronts me and as we get ready to draw blades a little girl comes up to my character, holds my hand and looks up to me and thanks me for saving her mommy.

So the townsfolk carried us off like heroes and there was a feast, so any hostility between us had to be held off till later. At midnight we meet up, fully healed and armed, and I tell him that he would be a foe worthy of dieing in combat against, and that if he believes that he must cause my death I would bare him no ill will, but if he wanted to fight, i would give no quarter, and not expect it to be given. He nods and draws his blade, and I heft my axe. WE fought, and be brought mt down to -3 hp. He then kicked away my axe and healed me, but he had his boot on my chest and his sword at my throat.

My character wakes, seemingly from death, to see a bleeding paladin holding a sword to his throat. He tells me that normally he would have let me die, but the fact of the matter was that I served good, even though I was slaughtering enemies pretty much for the sheer thrill of it. He asked me why I killed and we had a long moral discourse on good and evil, moral relativism and the nature of man, all at sword point. I asked him why he didn't kill me and he said he would fail as a Paladin if he couldn't find a way for me to use my power for good. I tell him that his words are meaningless, and that I will kill untill no one dares oppose me. He said that although my thirst for power had twisted me I was not beyond redemption, and he put the sword down and helped my character up. He said that by not killing me I wasn't bound to him or anything, He had just given me a second chance. I was intrigues so I asked if I could journey with him. The party agreed that they could use someone like me and welcomed me aboard.

Despite being a murder crazed death cultist, my character was an alright guy. It was in his best interest to keep his newfound friends alive as he was stronger than ever when he fought along side of them. I ended up saving the rest of the party's lives by taking a ballista bolt to the chest, dieing in the process. I was resurrected and the party kept asking me why I did it? How would i gain from it? I tried to brush it off like it was an accident or something but they cut right through the bullshit. I told them that the party felt like a family (my character had a rough childhood, raised in a sparta meets scandinavia type country) and that I wouldn't know what to do without them. We have a dawwww moment and we set out on our next quest.

A few sessions later the DM decided that conflict was the spice of life, and after a few sessions of us all being a big happy family he decided to throw a spanner in the works. I had not skinned an enemy since the orc general and I hadn't been bothering with pray to the dark gods (getting dangerously close to neutral), when out of the blue a succubus (actually a minion of the bbeg) appears, with a pissed off demon chained to a huge stone. She tells my character that she has been watching me, and her patrons are sickened that I have grown soft and weak. To demonstrate she looses the demon on me and it rips me apart, leaving me barely alive when she restrains it. She tells me that if i want to be a pathetic worm she will leave me and never return, or I can kill the demon and feast of its flesh to set myself on the path to gain ultimate power. I start to get apprehensive and she rolls a diplomacy test versus my sense motive, which was lower than a legless midget's ass. I fail horribly and the DM tells me she's making a real good point. So i do it, and start down the long road of pain and death.

The Dm takes me aside and explains that now killing will actually make my character stronger* (not just exp for kills, but if I get enough in a row, kill a hero, please the dark gods, etc etc... I will start turning into a demon.) What he doesn't tell me is that I pretty much just became a frenzied beserker, only the trigger is the dm rolling a 95+ on a d100 at the start of every combat turn)

*Initially, a strength boost, an extra attack each turn if all of my attacks hit and I gained 1 hp for every 10 points of damage i caused. More would come later in addition to the racial bonuses of demons.

ANywho, I start to relish my new powers, and I become arrogant as I start to enjoy killing again. I start becoming distanced from the party again, but we still function well together, and we are on good terms. The paladin was hit the hardest though, because he believed i had stopped the blood rituals for good and started to wonder If he did the right thing. WE get into a huge fight to protect a temple against an invading army. I get separated from the group and they start to worry, so the paladin and the sorceress, who were my biggest allies and ones who were actively trying to save me from damnation, split off from the group to find me.

Well, I find myself surrounded by the dead and dyeing enemies. I'm caught up in the bloodlust and I'm dispatching the wounded (but combat is still in effect elsewhere, so we're still in turns) and I hear a young woman calling for help. I go investigate and see the newly appointed high priestess surrounded by enemies, her bodyguard was dead and the enemy was getting ready to take their time with dispatching her. My fighter ran in and took them all on, killing them but leaving me barely alive, even with the hp gained from murder. The priestess, who was the most kindhearted and sweetest 15 year old girl I had ever encountered in game, ran up to heal me, right as the Paladin and the sorceress arrive on the scene.

My turn rolls around, and before I can say or do anything, the DM rolls the dice and we all see, even with the screen, that all the color has lost his face. He turns to me and says, "You feel the bloodlust rise, there are enemies to kill, yet you haven't the strength to fight them. The voices say that the girl will provide the sustenance for you to continue." The frenzy has taken effect and he asks for my character sheet, I say, "that won't be nescessary, I understand" and I charge the young girl. I expected to hurt her real badly, then fall to the Paladin. I power attacked her with all I had (remember, I had the shock trooper feat, so charges by my fighter were unbelievably nasty) and I rolled to hit. I rolled a 20, and we didn't bother confirming crits in our game. I then proceeded to do max damage with a great axe to what turned out to be a 3rd level cleric with a negative con modifier. I was level 14. She died horribly, and I gained a measly 2 hp for my efforts.

I'm now an evil character sitting at nearly a quarter of my health, with an effective AC of around 7 or so next to a Paladin with a holy avenger who has beaten me before when he was at full strength. He charges and, for the first time against me, smites evil. I go down to -7 and stabilize. A few rounds later combat ended for the entire party and they gather round, along with the remaining troops and the priests and priestesses. The Paladin has his avenger raised above my head getting ready to strike the death blow. The sorceress said she would prepare a pyre so none of my taint would remain to stain the earth. The rest of the army started throwing spears, bolts, shields and arrows into a pile to make the fire. The paladin then dropped his sword and used his lay on hands to heal me. Then he stood me up and savagely beat me until I was unconscious.

I'm taken before the elders of the churches, and bound and gagged. He tells them what happened and they tell him that its up to him to decide what to do with me. Half of the party (the ranger, the rogue and the sorceress) want me to be executed, so that I can't fall any further from grace and the other half (bard/rogue/lynch gang assembler, cleric and wizard) say that they should try to find out why i did it before judgement is passed. It comes down to the paladin to decide my fate. He sighs and says, "his reasons are his own, and while I may never be able to forgive him for this, I cannot forget when he gave his life to save us. Free him." I slinked off to recuperate (no cleric in the city would have touched me with their worst enemies hand and their dog's ass pushing.) While the party planned its next move. A session passed and the party bitterly tolerated my presence, with the exception of the sorceress and the paladin who tried to make me open up about how i was feeling and why I killed the girl. We entered a town to gather supplies when we ran into the aforementioned kender.

We were pursuing a baron who was raising hell trying to burn the peaceful theocratic city to the ground. We were following a lead in the town when the kender started tagging along. We reasoned that an extra stealthy character couldn't hurt and we commenced to searching, he commenced to shitdickery, which focused the anger away from the fighter and towards the kender. Eventually, a certain ring got stolen and a certain kender was reduced to wet meat on the desert sands. Then came the cat assassin and the lynching.

I spent the next couple of sessions trying to get back into the good graces with the other characters. I broke down and told them everything, about how i willingfully became an abomination and killed the priestess because I couldn't control myself. I said I hated what I had become and one day dropped to my knees in front of the party, and begged to be killed. The chud who played the kender took this opportunity to attack my character, despite the paladin telling him not to because we could talk this out, which resulted in his third dead character (male drow warlock playing at being a magicaller version of drizzt, I never read any of the drizzt novels but I'm guessing he wasn't dispatched from behind by a Paladin and a cleric.) The sorceress walked up close to my character and asked the fighter if he still thought of them as his family, and told him that no matter what he became she would always have a place in her heart for him (she was an elf who had been orphaned by war and had a childhood that made mine look like a magical tour of a chocolate and bourbon factory.) I resolved to be worthy of the group's friendship (with the exception of the chud writing up his final character, whom we largely ignored.)

At this point I feel like BFFs with my group, both in and out of character (again, with the exception of the chud, who rolled up a halfling fighter with a spiked chain built for being a tripmaster so that, and I quote "the lame ass fighter buys the farm the party will still have a tank".) I saw tears in the eyes of the girl who was playing the sorceress (but she was a theater major, so she could have been lying very convincingly, as all women seem to do...) The party sets off with new resolve, and everything turns up aces. One by one the rest of the starting party accomplishes their individual long term goals. If you don't mind i would like to mention the rest of the party so yall get some kind of idea just how cool it was that our party managed to not tear each other apart in an orgy of violence. I'll get back to the story right afterwords but they deserve their moment in the spotlight, as most of them haven't really gotten the props they deserve so far.

I honestly can;t remember much about the drow, the player was a total chud and his characters were cliches or just plain shitty.

At this point I realize just how many times I've said "chud." I apologize to any readers who are unaware of what a "c.h.u.d." is. C.H.U.D. stands for Cannibalistic humanoid under dweller, a race of hobo eating monstrosities that live in the sewers, if you haven't seen the appropriately named movie i suggest you go out and rent it. I use it because it has more bite to it then "basement dweller," and because I know a dude who lives in a basement who I wouldn't want to disparage, as he's a pretty cool guy who just happens to spend his money on his car instead of rent.

Anywho, the drow was trying to prove that his kind weren't all evil, and to prove it HE BECAME A WARLOCK, A MASTER OF THE HELLISH ARTS OF SORCERY to prove the surface worlder's wrong. He was a bag of cocks, all of them infected with aids.

First up was the cleric. He was an elven LN worshipper of Obad Hai who just wanted to protect nature, he joined up because an invading army tore down the woods he grew up in to make siege equipment. He was a swell guy who never wanted to be the center of attention. That's not to say that he hid in the corner, he just thought that if his cleric did what was right by Obad Hai then no one would be sure he had done anything at all.

The rogue (the good one, not the shitty kender) was a CG dorf. He played like he was straight out of boatmurdered and had crazy fears about carp and elephants. He was generally jolly except for when he encountered some freakish aberration that could only exist on the surface world (birds freaked him the fuck out, as did sheep and sunflowers.) He would spontaneously tell a bunch of really off color jokes just one ofter the other untill we were all laughing our asses off, then he would roll to do something sneaky while we were distracted.

Our half orc ranger was NG i think, and he played the dude like robin hood, only instead of robbing the rich he hunted bandits down. Kind of a moralfag but in a good way. Had an epic moment when the party was arguing how to get into a well defended fort and he just burnt the fucker down with some well placed flaming arrows.

The human wizard was CG, i think, and played the dude like a stage magician, only instead of pulling bunnies out of hats he would incinerate orcs and shit. He named his character "Leon" and kept parroting "Behold the GREAT LEON!!!" like leon form starfox 64. He was a riot, and despite his bombastic nature was real level headed and ended up being a great decision maker. If the rest of the party missed a super subtle hint he would pick up on it like a magnet.

The Bard was CN at its finest. The dude wasn't LOL randumb, he was hilarious. He actually played the flute and he actually wrote his own bard songs. He told us which one he was going to play and played them out during combat and just used hand gesture to signal where he was going to move and shit. He was the one who ended up lynching the chud's second character.

The sorceress was an elf and NG or CG, i never foud out exactly, but she played her character kind of like a Paladin, only without the strict moral code. She always tried to talk things out and took a bunch on nonlethal spells. Her character was an orphan raised by clerics of sune or something and she was adventuring because she wanted to make the world a better place. She sent back something like 90% of her loot to the orphanage she grew up in and ended up passing on a chance to marry some high and mighty elven prince because it would cut into her "crusading for good" time.

My character was the fighter yall have been reading about, i think enough has been said of him. But I know some of my friend's who I gamed with are out there so I'll remind them of Old Kjellmir Bloodskull, the man who proved NE can sometimes stand for Niceguy Evil.

Finally we get to the Paladin. The dude was Optimus Prime in Half Elven form. He set out to avenge his mother's murder and ended up saving the world. He was the defacto leader of our merry band and their wasn't a single sol at that table who would have wanted it otherwise (except the chud, but he was a soulless abomination, so he doesn't really count)

Anywho, back to the story.

We end up busting a cult that was trying to summon a demon. The cult leader spills his guts in exchange for mercy (which the paladin gave, of course.) A powerful demon has been behind the scenes the whole time, and he has built a permanent stable portal the underworld in the bottom of an abandoned dwarf city. We set out to stop his demonic army from breaching into our world and killing everything. The party fights dearly, losing the ranger and the wizard along the way. The rogue runs to warn the nearby city that if we fail they must be ready to repel a demonic horde and bard is nearly killed, but refuses healing because he says all he can do know is watch the battle and wrote a song for the fallen (dude got poisoned bad by a demon assassin and couldn't do any real damage. It came down to me, the paladin, the cleric and the sorceress staring down the Demon Lord and his elite bodyguard.

The battle is long and hard, but in the end the demon is badly wounded and out of men, and we've pushed them back through the portal into their home turf. I have a handful of hitpoints, as does the paladin and the sorceress. The only spells left were 2 heals from the cleric, who was saving them for the endgame. The demon is on its home plane, and if it dies here, it dies forever, so it is scared as hell. It starts begging to be sparred, and how it will never rise against the paladin again (sense motive proved it was full of shit.) The paladin moves in for the kill, I follow him, when the DM takes me aside. He tells me that the demon locks eyes with me and I hear a voice in my head saying that he will give me all of his power if I will use it to strike down the Paladin.

Once again the lure of power comes calling back to me. The succubus from earlier whispers in my ear that with all of that power I would command legions of demons, and I could make the world burn. Even though the demons were defeated today, they have an eternity to plot their vengeance, they will only have to wait untill the time is right. I told the demon I would gladly take his power, and the paladin would fall at my feet.

We used miniatures so combat would run smoothly, mostly reaper but I'm a gwfag, so I was using a plastic warrior of chaos. The dm gave me my new and improved character sheet (he planned this at the beginning of the session before that, and snagged a copy of my character sheet) and I said that my model wasn't going to cut it, so i went to my car and grabbed my demon prince (it was the 40k one, but it had the wings and the cables were barely noticable, so it all worked out fairly well, as it dwarfed the paladin's reaper mini.)

I called out to the Paladin, and I told him that today i would repay him for the insult he dealt me long ago in that small village surrounded by orcs. I said that I would wash my axe with the blood of the innocent and that I would end all that he had grown to love. A deathly silence fell over the table...

To say the fight was epic would be an understatement. The cleric healed up the paladin and the sorceress fell to her knees and wept, as her closest companion just became an avatar of pain and suffering and planned to loose himself on the world she had given up so much to protect. The Paladin said something to the effect of "It pains me deeply to see you do this to yourself, I will mourn for you" and then he charged me. He knew I was deadly on the charge so he acted to deny me my greatest strength. Despite being a third of my height and being outmatched he managed to keep me on the defensive, and he got me down to about a third of my hit points, while only losing about a quarter of his.

The Paladin fought with the strength of his ancestors, all the angels above looked down on their chosen so and smiled as the abomination staggered under the weight of his blows. His righteous fury ripped chunks of the blackened armor off the demon and spilled the black ichor that sustained him on the floor. He drew back behind his shield and offered me one last chance to surrender, to account for what I had done. He wanted to see if there was still any good left in the thing that had utterly consumed his friend and twisted it into this foul monstrosity.



OMG!!!! HERE COMES TEH AUNTIE AND UNCLE PART!!! IT?S ALWAYS TEH BESTEST PART =D


CODA

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