оригинальный рассказ (не мой, я просто дал объяву)

Цветовое оформление: черная минима блогспота. Don't be evil.
Шрифт: Helvetica

Статьи про компьютеры за авторством очень грамотного дядьки ___тут___.

Also, if you're for some reason reading this, subscribe to SMBC, a daily dose of awesome never hurt anyone.


I remember Kjellmir Bloodskull

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.


This is not my story. This is the story of Wasteland Warrior, as told by Wasteland Warrior himself, and I was there to hear it. The thread is also epic, having started with troll shit and resulted in 8.5 metric fucktons of concentrated awesome. If you're wondering if the awesome actually transpired, the link is here and I reiterate, it starts with troll shit so don't click if you ain't able to take it in stride.

For your convenience, I reposted the actual text of the story in this here blog, on account of WW saying,
"Brings a smile to my heart to see the story is still being passed around."

It goes like this:

I used to game with a bunch of chuds, mostly because the alternatives were furries or even more chuds. One day I found a group that met kind of in secret, so to avoid the chuds. I joined and we had some fun times, the DM was creative and we meshed well. We had hardcore interparty conflict but we all rollplayed pretty well. One day one of the chuds found out about our game, and the dm let him play, because he had a rule: "everyone gets at least 2 sessions before he gets the boot."

The fucker repays his kindness by rolling up a kender rogue, even though our party already had a rogue and a bard/rogue in it. He precedes to steal anything that isnt nailed down, including at one point the paladin's holy avenger. In character we threaten him and tell him if he fucks with any of our shit we will kill him. No one went through with the threat, and the paladin spent his time babysitting him and convincing the rest of the party that even though he was a pain, he was still helping us.

He assumed i had nothing of value to steal, (low magic campaign, with the exception of the paladin's badass sword and my ring the only other magic item the party possessed was the bard's flute) untill he noted that I wasn't buying rations when we were getting ready to head out, and i explained I had a magic ring that let me go without rest or sustenance.

The little prick took it off of me because he thought it would be funny to watch me get hungry, probably so he would have an excuse to steal rations and give them to me, because shit like that would be endearing or something. I have to beg my fellow party members for food and water, which sucked because the rest of the party was angry at my character for going beserk in battle and killing a friendly cleric when she tried to calm me down. Finally the little asswipe decided to wear the ring in front of me and explain how he was a master thief and how even a mighty warrior could be humbled by a lowly thief. I made good on an earlier promise and charged him (shock trooper ftw) and put the little bastard deep into the negatives. He flipped shit, but the paladin and the rest of the party was happy to be rid of him, and since he did jeopardize my life my murdering him, though an evil act, was understandable. He got really pissy about how Paladins can't adventure with evil PCs and the DM kept explaining DM caveats while the rest of the party, in character, started talking about how it was good to be rid of the vermin and started warming back up to me. In revenge he wrote up a new rogue, "just to show us." Me and the bard ended up getting the rogue lynched in the next session. It took him two more characters to get the hint.

So decides to roll up an assassin, now with my character being the exception (NE) the rest of the party was good oriented. I know how to play evil characters who aren't just "hurr durr rape time," he did not. He was using some splat book that had bipedal cheetas or something in it and had a massive dex bonus. His new character's backstory was "he was hired to kill the party" and that was about it. I didn't know this at the time. I just remember the dm and him having a conversation in whispers while the DM kept sighing. So the nest session starts with us entering the town we were traveling to. We payed for our rooms and our characters had a good meal and plenty of wine to celebrate getting out of the wastes intact, with the exception of the kender who's head i dropped off to his family when i had to make restitutions. We stumble upstairs for a good nights sleap when the new character starts rolling hide and move silent checks.

He felt betrayed by the paladin's player and me so he decided to off both of us, but not in a manly or awesome way. He wrapped the paladin's sword handle in hide and took it to my room. He tried to coup de grace me but the dm ruled since he wasn't holding the blade it would be an execution check (from the bovd) and he botched, leaing the sword in my chest but I was still alive. I woke up, grabbed the holy avenger, which burned the fuck out of my arm and left me permanently marked as evil, and tried to kill him with it. He made a run for it and I grappled with him. He was getting away so I told the DM that I was grabbing his tail. I made an attack against it and severed it near the ass. He escaped, but when the paladin woke up he alerted every temple to detain any cat people who came in with a missing tail for questioning. Sure enough me and the bard find him being held at a temple of pelor. The bard convinces the cleric to release him into our custody. We are taking him back to our cleric (who probably would have geased him or something) when the bard gets a great idea (CN actually working for us) that we were somehow more qualified to sort this out, as he tried to kill me and frame a paladin, who was generally beyond reproach.

So he writes down an epic speech for my character to read, denouncing the foul hellspawn, and telling of the wonderful accomplishments of the paladin, and how he was helping my character find redemption (which sort of happened, but once again, that's another story), even though I was clearly tainted by evil (the holy avenger turned the skin of my arm all zombie looking.) I delivered the speech, and he starts playing his flute to make my speech sound more believable. The flute allowed him to have his bardic music affect a lot more people then he normally could, and he's making them more and more attentive to what I say. When I finish the speech, the bard stops playing and asks the crowd "what do we do to murderers?"

The crowd responds with a hearty "WE HANG THEM" and they get to work. The bard strings him up and the angry crowd gets him up on a bench. I ask him if he has any last words. He goes on a tear about how we are deluded, and that his gods will make the whole world burn, starting with the paladin and his wretched friends. The paladin, unbeknown to us, heard the entire speech, and walked forward, so that the assassin could look at the man he planned to defraud. He pulled out the sword and told the assassin that if he took an oath before his blade, he would spare him. The assassin responded by spitting on the paladin in front of a crowd full of angry peasants. The paladin detects evil, then uses the sword to destroy the bench, making the assassin drop down. The dm rolled to see if he broke his neck and rolled low, so the fucker spent the next few seconds gasping for air and desperately making strength checks to break the bonds. He didn't make it and died.

The little shitstain then says something to the effect of "hah, tricked you, enjoy falling Paladin" only for the DM to say, "No, he performed a lawful execution of an evil assassin who tried to frame him for the murder of one of his best friends. The only thing miraculous that happens is you manage to void your bowels quietly enough for only half of the crowd to break out into laughter. He gets pissy because there wasn't a jury, while the Player of the paladin explains that the city was a theocracy and a council of good aligned churches ruled over, and as an agent of the church he was legally allowed to pass judgment. The assassin retorted with "you have no evidence" to which he replied "I watched you fight the man you tried to murder 12 hours ago, you were guilty" before the argument can go any further I remind the paladin that he is arguing with a dead man, and we can just ignore him. He angrily starts to scribe a new character while the rest of us move on.

So the party was in a town being besieged by orcs. My character was a NE fighter who worshipped Erythnul (my spelling is ass, so bare with me) and believed that the pursuit of power was the purest form of life, and that killing as many people in battle was the way to do it. Consequently he heard about a massive siege and decided to fight on the side of the town, because there would be more enemies to kill. I end up fighting back to back with the paladin. We are mutually impressed with each other's prowess and we spend the rest of the time teaming up, till we link up with the rest of the party and kill the orc general. Afterwards, my character does his after battle ritual of skinning the enemy and making a cloak from the remains. Whenever I killed something impressive, i made a new trophy. The Paladin detects evil and sure enough, i reek of it. He confronts me and as we get ready to draw blades a little girl comes up to my character, holds my hand and looks up to me and thanks me for saving her mommy.

So the townsfolk carried us off like heroes and there was a feast, so any hostility between us had to be held off till later. At midnight we meet up, fully healed and armed, and I tell him that he would be a foe worthy of dieing in combat against, and that if he believes that he must cause my death I would bare him no ill will, but if he wanted to fight, i would give no quarter, and not expect it to be given. He nods and draws his blade, and I heft my axe. WE fought, and be brought mt down to -3 hp. He then kicked away my axe and healed me, but he had his boot on my chest and his sword at my throat.

My character wakes, seemingly from death, to see a bleeding paladin holding a sword to his throat. He tells me that normally he would have let me die, but the fact of the matter was that I served good, even though I was slaughtering enemies pretty much for the sheer thrill of it. He asked me why I killed and we had a long moral discourse on good and evil, moral relativism and the nature of man, all at sword point. I asked him why he didn't kill me and he said he would fail as a Paladin if he couldn't find a way for me to use my power for good. I tell him that his words are meaningless, and that I will kill untill no one dares oppose me. He said that although my thirst for power had twisted me I was not beyond redemption, and he put the sword down and helped my character up. He said that by not killing me I wasn't bound to him or anything, He had just given me a second chance. I was intrigues so I asked if I could journey with him. The party agreed that they could use someone like me and welcomed me aboard.

Despite being a murder crazed death cultist, my character was an alright guy. It was in his best interest to keep his newfound friends alive as he was stronger than ever when he fought along side of them. I ended up saving the rest of the party's lives by taking a ballista bolt to the chest, dieing in the process. I was resurrected and the party kept asking me why I did it? How would i gain from it? I tried to brush it off like it was an accident or something but they cut right through the bullshit. I told them that the party felt like a family (my character had a rough childhood, raised in a sparta meets scandinavia type country) and that I wouldn't know what to do without them. We have a dawwww moment and we set out on our next quest.

A few sessions later the DM decided that conflict was the spice of life, and after a few sessions of us all being a big happy family he decided to throw a spanner in the works. I had not skinned an enemy since the orc general and I hadn't been bothering with pray to the dark gods (getting dangerously close to neutral), when out of the blue a succubus (actually a minion of the bbeg) appears, with a pissed off demon chained to a huge stone. She tells my character that she has been watching me, and her patrons are sickened that I have grown soft and weak. To demonstrate she looses the demon on me and it rips me apart, leaving me barely alive when she restrains it. She tells me that if i want to be a pathetic worm she will leave me and never return, or I can kill the demon and feast of its flesh to set myself on the path to gain ultimate power. I start to get apprehensive and she rolls a diplomacy test versus my sense motive, which was lower than a legless midget's ass. I fail horribly and the DM tells me she's making a real good point. So i do it, and start down the long road of pain and death.

The Dm takes me aside and explains that now killing will actually make my character stronger* (not just exp for kills, but if I get enough in a row, kill a hero, please the dark gods, etc etc... I will start turning into a demon.) What he doesn't tell me is that I pretty much just became a frenzied beserker, only the trigger is the dm rolling a 95+ on a d100 at the start of every combat turn)

*Initially, a strength boost, an extra attack each turn if all of my attacks hit and I gained 1 hp for every 10 points of damage i caused. More would come later in addition to the racial bonuses of demons.

ANywho, I start to relish my new powers, and I become arrogant as I start to enjoy killing again. I start becoming distanced from the party again, but we still function well together, and we are on good terms. The paladin was hit the hardest though, because he believed i had stopped the blood rituals for good and started to wonder If he did the right thing. WE get into a huge fight to protect a temple against an invading army. I get separated from the group and they start to worry, so the paladin and the sorceress, who were my biggest allies and ones who were actively trying to save me from damnation, split off from the group to find me.

Well, I find myself surrounded by the dead and dyeing enemies. I'm caught up in the bloodlust and I'm dispatching the wounded (but combat is still in effect elsewhere, so we're still in turns) and I hear a young woman calling for help. I go investigate and see the newly appointed high priestess surrounded by enemies, her bodyguard was dead and the enemy was getting ready to take their time with dispatching her. My fighter ran in and took them all on, killing them but leaving me barely alive, even with the hp gained from murder. The priestess, who was the most kindhearted and sweetest 15 year old girl I had ever encountered in game, ran up to heal me, right as the Paladin and the sorceress arrive on the scene.

My turn rolls around, and before I can say or do anything, the DM rolls the dice and we all see, even with the screen, that all the color has lost his face. He turns to me and says, "You feel the bloodlust rise, there are enemies to kill, yet you haven't the strength to fight them. The voices say that the girl will provide the sustenance for you to continue." The frenzy has taken effect and he asks for my character sheet, I say, "that won't be nescessary, I understand" and I charge the young girl. I expected to hurt her real badly, then fall to the Paladin. I power attacked her with all I had (remember, I had the shock trooper feat, so charges by my fighter were unbelievably nasty) and I rolled to hit. I rolled a 20, and we didn't bother confirming crits in our game. I then proceeded to do max damage with a great axe to what turned out to be a 3rd level cleric with a negative con modifier. I was level 14. She died horribly, and I gained a measly 2 hp for my efforts.

I'm now an evil character sitting at nearly a quarter of my health, with an effective AC of around 7 or so next to a Paladin with a holy avenger who has beaten me before when he was at full strength. He charges and, for the first time against me, smites evil. I go down to -7 and stabilize. A few rounds later combat ended for the entire party and they gather round, along with the remaining troops and the priests and priestesses. The Paladin has his avenger raised above my head getting ready to strike the death blow. The sorceress said she would prepare a pyre so none of my taint would remain to stain the earth. The rest of the army started throwing spears, bolts, shields and arrows into a pile to make the fire. The paladin then dropped his sword and used his lay on hands to heal me. Then he stood me up and savagely beat me until I was unconscious.

I'm taken before the elders of the churches, and bound and gagged. He tells them what happened and they tell him that its up to him to decide what to do with me. Half of the party (the ranger, the rogue and the sorceress) want me to be executed, so that I can't fall any further from grace and the other half (bard/rogue/lynch gang assembler, cleric and wizard) say that they should try to find out why i did it before judgement is passed. It comes down to the paladin to decide my fate. He sighs and says, "his reasons are his own, and while I may never be able to forgive him for this, I cannot forget when he gave his life to save us. Free him." I slinked off to recuperate (no cleric in the city would have touched me with their worst enemies hand and their dog's ass pushing.) While the party planned its next move. A session passed and the party bitterly tolerated my presence, with the exception of the sorceress and the paladin who tried to make me open up about how i was feeling and why I killed the girl. We entered a town to gather supplies when we ran into the aforementioned kender.

We were pursuing a baron who was raising hell trying to burn the peaceful theocratic city to the ground. We were following a lead in the town when the kender started tagging along. We reasoned that an extra stealthy character couldn't hurt and we commenced to searching, he commenced to shitdickery, which focused the anger away from the fighter and towards the kender. Eventually, a certain ring got stolen and a certain kender was reduced to wet meat on the desert sands. Then came the cat assassin and the lynching.

I spent the next couple of sessions trying to get back into the good graces with the other characters. I broke down and told them everything, about how i willingfully became an abomination and killed the priestess because I couldn't control myself. I said I hated what I had become and one day dropped to my knees in front of the party, and begged to be killed. The chud who played the kender took this opportunity to attack my character, despite the paladin telling him not to because we could talk this out, which resulted in his third dead character (male drow warlock playing at being a magicaller version of drizzt, I never read any of the drizzt novels but I'm guessing he wasn't dispatched from behind by a Paladin and a cleric.) The sorceress walked up close to my character and asked the fighter if he still thought of them as his family, and told him that no matter what he became she would always have a place in her heart for him (she was an elf who had been orphaned by war and had a childhood that made mine look like a magical tour of a chocolate and bourbon factory.) I resolved to be worthy of the group's friendship (with the exception of the chud writing up his final character, whom we largely ignored.)

At this point I feel like BFFs with my group, both in and out of character (again, with the exception of the chud, who rolled up a halfling fighter with a spiked chain built for being a tripmaster so that, and I quote "the lame ass fighter buys the farm the party will still have a tank".) I saw tears in the eyes of the girl who was playing the sorceress (but she was a theater major, so she could have been lying very convincingly, as all women seem to do...) The party sets off with new resolve, and everything turns up aces. One by one the rest of the starting party accomplishes their individual long term goals. If you don't mind i would like to mention the rest of the party so yall get some kind of idea just how cool it was that our party managed to not tear each other apart in an orgy of violence. I'll get back to the story right afterwords but they deserve their moment in the spotlight, as most of them haven't really gotten the props they deserve so far.

I honestly can;t remember much about the drow, the player was a total chud and his characters were cliches or just plain shitty.

At this point I realize just how many times I've said "chud." I apologize to any readers who are unaware of what a "c.h.u.d." is. C.H.U.D. stands for Cannibalistic humanoid under dweller, a race of hobo eating monstrosities that live in the sewers, if you haven't seen the appropriately named movie i suggest you go out and rent it. I use it because it has more bite to it then "basement dweller," and because I know a dude who lives in a basement who I wouldn't want to disparage, as he's a pretty cool guy who just happens to spend his money on his car instead of rent.

Anywho, the drow was trying to prove that his kind weren't all evil, and to prove it HE BECAME A WARLOCK, A MASTER OF THE HELLISH ARTS OF SORCERY to prove the surface worlder's wrong. He was a bag of cocks, all of them infected with aids.

First up was the cleric. He was an elven LN worshipper of Obad Hai who just wanted to protect nature, he joined up because an invading army tore down the woods he grew up in to make siege equipment. He was a swell guy who never wanted to be the center of attention. That's not to say that he hid in the corner, he just thought that if his cleric did what was right by Obad Hai then no one would be sure he had done anything at all.

The rogue (the good one, not the shitty kender) was a CG dorf. He played like he was straight out of boatmurdered and had crazy fears about carp and elephants. He was generally jolly except for when he encountered some freakish aberration that could only exist on the surface world (birds freaked him the fuck out, as did sheep and sunflowers.) He would spontaneously tell a bunch of really off color jokes just one ofter the other untill we were all laughing our asses off, then he would roll to do something sneaky while we were distracted.

Our half orc ranger was NG i think, and he played the dude like robin hood, only instead of robbing the rich he hunted bandits down. Kind of a moralfag but in a good way. Had an epic moment when the party was arguing how to get into a well defended fort and he just burnt the fucker down with some well placed flaming arrows.

The human wizard was CG, i think, and played the dude like a stage magician, only instead of pulling bunnies out of hats he would incinerate orcs and shit. He named his character "Leon" and kept parroting "Behold the GREAT LEON!!!" like leon form starfox 64. He was a riot, and despite his bombastic nature was real level headed and ended up being a great decision maker. If the rest of the party missed a super subtle hint he would pick up on it like a magnet.

The Bard was CN at its finest. The dude wasn't LOL randumb, he was hilarious. He actually played the flute and he actually wrote his own bard songs. He told us which one he was going to play and played them out during combat and just used hand gesture to signal where he was going to move and shit. He was the one who ended up lynching the chud's second character.

The sorceress was an elf and NG or CG, i never foud out exactly, but she played her character kind of like a Paladin, only without the strict moral code. She always tried to talk things out and took a bunch on nonlethal spells. Her character was an orphan raised by clerics of sune or something and she was adventuring because she wanted to make the world a better place. She sent back something like 90% of her loot to the orphanage she grew up in and ended up passing on a chance to marry some high and mighty elven prince because it would cut into her "crusading for good" time.

My character was the fighter yall have been reading about, i think enough has been said of him. But I know some of my friend's who I gamed with are out there so I'll remind them of Old Kjellmir Bloodskull, the man who proved NE can sometimes stand for Niceguy Evil.

Finally we get to the Paladin. The dude was Optimus Prime in Half Elven form. He set out to avenge his mother's murder and ended up saving the world. He was the defacto leader of our merry band and their wasn't a single sol at that table who would have wanted it otherwise (except the chud, but he was a soulless abomination, so he doesn't really count)

Anywho, back to the story.

We end up busting a cult that was trying to summon a demon. The cult leader spills his guts in exchange for mercy (which the paladin gave, of course.) A powerful demon has been behind the scenes the whole time, and he has built a permanent stable portal the underworld in the bottom of an abandoned dwarf city. We set out to stop his demonic army from breaching into our world and killing everything. The party fights dearly, losing the ranger and the wizard along the way. The rogue runs to warn the nearby city that if we fail they must be ready to repel a demonic horde and bard is nearly killed, but refuses healing because he says all he can do know is watch the battle and wrote a song for the fallen (dude got poisoned bad by a demon assassin and couldn't do any real damage. It came down to me, the paladin, the cleric and the sorceress staring down the Demon Lord and his elite bodyguard.

The battle is long and hard, but in the end the demon is badly wounded and out of men, and we've pushed them back through the portal into their home turf. I have a handful of hitpoints, as does the paladin and the sorceress. The only spells left were 2 heals from the cleric, who was saving them for the endgame. The demon is on its home plane, and if it dies here, it dies forever, so it is scared as hell. It starts begging to be sparred, and how it will never rise against the paladin again (sense motive proved it was full of shit.) The paladin moves in for the kill, I follow him, when the DM takes me aside. He tells me that the demon locks eyes with me and I hear a voice in my head saying that he will give me all of his power if I will use it to strike down the Paladin.

Once again the lure of power comes calling back to me. The succubus from earlier whispers in my ear that with all of that power I would command legions of demons, and I could make the world burn. Even though the demons were defeated today, they have an eternity to plot their vengeance, they will only have to wait untill the time is right. I told the demon I would gladly take his power, and the paladin would fall at my feet.

We used miniatures so combat would run smoothly, mostly reaper but I'm a gwfag, so I was using a plastic warrior of chaos. The dm gave me my new and improved character sheet (he planned this at the beginning of the session before that, and snagged a copy of my character sheet) and I said that my model wasn't going to cut it, so i went to my car and grabbed my demon prince (it was the 40k one, but it had the wings and the cables were barely noticable, so it all worked out fairly well, as it dwarfed the paladin's reaper mini.)

I called out to the Paladin, and I told him that today i would repay him for the insult he dealt me long ago in that small village surrounded by orcs. I said that I would wash my axe with the blood of the innocent and that I would end all that he had grown to love. A deathly silence fell over the table...

To say the fight was epic would be an understatement. The cleric healed up the paladin and the sorceress fell to her knees and wept, as her closest companion just became an avatar of pain and suffering and planned to loose himself on the world she had given up so much to protect. The Paladin said something to the effect of "It pains me deeply to see you do this to yourself, I will mourn for you" and then he charged me. He knew I was deadly on the charge so he acted to deny me my greatest strength. Despite being a third of my height and being outmatched he managed to keep me on the defensive, and he got me down to about a third of my hit points, while only losing about a quarter of his.

The Paladin fought with the strength of his ancestors, all the angels above looked down on their chosen so and smiled as the abomination staggered under the weight of his blows. His righteous fury ripped chunks of the blackened armor off the demon and spilled the black ichor that sustained him on the floor. He drew back behind his shield and offered me one last chance to surrender, to account for what I had done. He wanted to see if there was still any good left in the thing that had utterly consumed his friend and twisted it into this foul monstrosity.





@темы: RPG, archive, awesome


Без хвоста.

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Ну так вот, рассказываю.

Мою бумагу сплюнули якобы по причине наличия охуенного количества ошибок.
Я ее перепроверил, ничего не нашел, отдал обратно.
Ее отдали на проверку одной бабец.
Бабец проверила и рапортовала "ну, есть немного".
Сегодня получаю назад листы, исчерканные просто в никакую. Над тем, чтобы обосрать мои навыки бумагонаписания, трудились специалисты нескольких отделов.
- Пишется "во исполнениЕ", а не "во исполнениИ", - это начальник пришел посмотреть, когда бабец еще была вовсю занята проверкой.
Бабец позвонила специалистам.
- Но это же слово на "-ие", поэтому будет "-ии", - говорят специалисты.
- Слушай, ну всегда писали "Е", - не сдается начальник. Правила русского языка он благополучно забыл, но русский язык для него родной и он не идиот. Так правильно, потому что, ну, так.
- Это слово-исключение, - визжат дебилоидки.
- Напиши "Е" под мою ответственность.

А жаль.

* есть претензии к оформлению: такое оформление на всех моих бумагах, их всегда брали на ура; да, допустим, делопроизводители вообще в вопросах нормативов оформления разбираются лучше, но именно эта дура проставляла фиксированный межстрочный интервал 8 пунктов в 14 шрифте (попробуйте на досуге), когда только устроилась на работу, потому что их так учили,

* есть одна проставленная черной гелевой ручкой и исправленная на запятую синей шариковой неуместная точка: отличная работа, сучка, но мы это отследили, потому что у нас есть оригиналы, где там совершенно грамотно не стоит ничего (и почтовый сервер зафиксировал, что именно их мы и отправляли — хуй вам, а не флэшки, аутлук форева, у нас все ходы записаны!),

* одно длиннющее уточнение в длиннющем предложении решено было зачем-то написать влет (сраное "однако" в однострочнике понадобилось отделить, см. выше, а вот предложение на полстраницы — звиняйте, легалез, по-другому никак — делать читабельнее некошерно),

* и - пиздец - исправлены ошибки в точных цитатах из документа. А их там дохуя, о чем в общем-то в письме и сказано: "В документе, на который мы обрушиваем свою критику, дохуя ошибок, вот, смотрите: (цитаты)".

Ну сука.

Плохо только, что раз война, придется таскать свой собственный miniUSB-хвост.

@темы: было бы смешно, если бы не


Sohmer is a dork

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
"Remove the Donate button off your site" is bullshit. Professionals in comics, by definition, are those who are earning their daily bread doing comics. Now, web comics are FREE. The options to extract income are (1) sell merch, including printed books, (2) place ads and (3) take donations.

I'd be sort of a hypocrite if I said I don't like merch. I love merch. This summer, I was kicked out of my apartment. The stuff I took barely fit into a car, and there's still a roomful left. Boardgames, books, action figures, videogames, music CDs. I miss my stuff, but it's a leg iron. For entertainment, I just need a PC, an ebook reader, and storage. I don't need more merch. I don't have a place to put moar boardgames.

Yes, I know you can slap a logo on everyday stuff like pens and notebooks and get a percentage of thusly stimulated sales. I bought a NaNoWriMo tote bag - and that's it with buying tote bags for the year. I have a drawer full of geek t-shirts which I don't wear, what with working for a government agency and all that.

It feels nice owning that stuff - no big surprise here, because merch *is* luxury. In a world where entertainment is essentially free (plus the price of an Internet connection), merch, being limited in supply, is the basis necessary to sustain the age-old habit of "keeping up with the Joneses". Life satisfaction reaches the top at $10000/month or so, when you run out of time. If you don't want to "see the real world", being satisfied with billions of virtual worlds offering experiences just as/more entertaining, the saturation happens even earlier. Merch is a status symbol, and the demand for it, like the demand for gold and diamonds, is based on hype. I've got a phianite ring that BLAZES LIKE A BILLION SUNS. Everyone knows it's not a diamond, because I don't look like a person who can afford that pretty a diamond. But who cares? Its functions are to be pretty, to BLAZE LIKE A BILLION SUNS and to stay on my finger and it performs them marvelously.

There are people who like the feel (look, smell) of a printed book. There will continue to be people who like the feel (look, smell) of a printed book, until there are no more people. I prefer my Opus for reading fiction. However, it's hard for me to study without a printed book, and at all impossible without handwritten notes. But over on the life-improvement blog, readers are asking while commenting on the best note-taking program, "who the hell uses paper these days?" Yes, only a small portion of the comic readers donates, but the portion of merch-buying readers is also not large, And it will continue to decrease.

Borrowing from my old article on the subject (it used music as a primary example, having been written for the benefit of my professional singer friend), the "merch" that would live the longest is live performances (conventions for comics). But even those will fade, as webinars, live cams, and online games merge. Donations, effected by good will, or a guilt trip, or plain forced by law, is *the* economic model of the future.

Ads. Ohgodtheads. It's one thing to be paid to endorse something that you actually like - this doesn't make my ethics sense tingle. But we all know this is rarely the case. People are fighting for a commercial-free education, try to kick ads out of schools, try to ban teachers from "politely insisting" that children ask parents to buy specific drinks "for the benefit of the school". Why not free culture? Art museums are often state-sponsored: that means we, as a people, decide to keep the "enlarge your weenie" banner away from the statue of David. Why I, being competent enough to block advertising, cannot contribute some money so that other, less competent people would see a crap-free webpage?

Sure, it'd be good if culturally significant ongoing works of living artists were sponsored by an ideal international council for culture - but let me tell you, the actual results will be ugly. They smelled suspiciously in the 20th century, what happens now in my country (I'm not American btw) is plain revolting. And really, why should we allow a council of dunces collect taxes from people in all the world to pay for Sonic the Hedgehog porn (extreme example)? Let the individual people pay for what they like, as much as they like! ...Wow, what a brilliant idea, I'm sure no one else has thought of it.

Bottom line: success in business does not mean you're universally right. Shut up Sohmer, and stick your plushies... (ahem) where the sun doesn't shine.

P.S. I don't have a good idea of "kid-friendliness", feel free to replace the words you consider naughty.

@темы: comics, repost


*title drop*

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Пишет Auguste de Rivera:
09.12.2010 в 00:24

Да это из той же компании говно. Fail troll is fail, let the fucker starve.

А синяя сопля тем временем расписывает про стратегические тонкости FF12 (кто не знает - игра для детей от 3 лет, жмешь кнопку и все дела).

Нет, понятно, что мастерство политики/интриги/стратегии, кроме как в модели (т.е. в игре, будь то Оборотень, А не ты ли предатель, Галактика, Кондотьеры, Хрононавты или Dominions) массам не докажешь: self-defeating, принцип Гейзенберга, - как не похвастаешься, что умело соврал или взломал серверы Пентагона.

Но, бля, чтобы быть основанием для доказательства, модель должна позволять проявить собственные навыки (т.е. быть стратегической игрой), а не симулировать их наличие (т.е. быть ролевкой, где, играя за ЗОМГмегакрутого персонажа, можно нажатием кнопки "сказать" ЗОМГмегакрутую фразу, заботливо выдранную сценаристом из трудов дедушки Ницше).

URL комментария

@темы: repost



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
оригинал дают тут

В прошлом посте писал, что последнее время смотрю Вавилон 5. Не идеальный сериал, но у него есть плюс: он самосогласованный и правдоподобный.

Сравните его с Доктором Кто. Доктора Кто прикольно смотреть, но если задуматься над ним больше двух секунд, замечаешь до задницы сюжетных дыр и противоречий. То, что в одной серии создает временной парадокс, угрожающий уничтожить вселенную, в другой прокатывает на ура. И ТАРДИС, и звуковая отвертка, и биология Доктора получают совершенно новые способности, про которые все благополучно забывают в следующей серии. Пришельцы неправдоподобны так, что уржаться, часто без мотивов или какой-нибудь научной основы, персонажи будут творить что угодно, лишь бы сюжет был чуть поинтереснее, и у всего есть или кнопка саморазрушения, или ахиллесова пята, найти которую не составляет труда.

Но я на самом деле не жалуюсь. Если бы сериал был реалистичным, Доктор бы отбросил коньки сразу же, как только решил самостоятельно одолеть гигантскую суперпродвинутую армию пришельцев, подойдя к ним без оружия и плана. И тогда им пришлось бы закончить сериал, и я не смог бы больше глазеть на симпатичную актрису, которая играет Эми Понд.
Поэтому Доктор Кто еще не самое худшее. Но есть такие сериалы, которые переходят все разумные пределы и становятся не более чем беспорядочными наборами клише, которые нельзя смотреть без поллитры.

Думаю, самый яркий пример этого безобразия – Исторический Канал и все их программы про так называемую «Вторую Мировую войну».
Начнем со злодеев. Батальоны штурмовиков, одетые во все чОрное – в наличии. Тайная полиция – в наличии. Намерение жестоко расправиться со всеми, кто на них не похож – в наличии. Главарь с маленькими злодейскими усиками, впадающий в апоплексический раж, когда у него что-то не получается – в наличии. И все это в стране, которая была самой обыкновенной, правдоподобной, и, осмелюсь сказать, даже немного симпатичной в прошлых сезонах.

Я бы не жаловался на неоригинальность, но они явно перебирают. Типа мы должны верить, что в середине войны немцы нападают на своих союзников – русских, начинают безнадежное сражение на два фронта, только чтобы показать, какие они подлые предатели? И что они направили все ресурсы, чтобы строить лагеря смерти еще больше и еще страшнее, прямо в середине некислой войны? Ну не бывают настоящие люди настолько злыми. И я даже не считаю тот момент, когда они тут же по требованию сюжета забыли про всю расистскую чепуху и стали лучшими друзьями с определенно неарийскими японцами.

Хорошие парни не лучше. Их босс, «Чёрчхилл», до этого появился всего в одной серии, где он был бестолковым генералом, тупо слившим туркам – туркам! – битву при Галлиполи. А тут вдруг он не только Премьер-Министр, не только блестящий стратег, не только величайший оратор двадцатого века, который может убедить британцев не сдаваться несмотря ни на что, он еще и от природы умеет острить и постоянно сыпет ржачными фразочками. Я знаю, что он типа герой, но это же нереалистично – сделайте его хоть немного человекоподобным.

То есть это стандартная жвачка типа «нереально крутые хорошие парни в сверкающих доспехах, которые не могут ошибиться» против «злых легионов тьмы, зацикленных на пытках и геноциде», полностью игнорирующая ньюансы и реалии настоящей политики. Стратегия этих ребят немногим лучше. Вот, например, сражение в Арденнах, до фига немцев окружают батальончик Союзников и требуют сдаться, а то хана. Генерал Союзников отправляет ответ одним словом – «хрен!» Немцы атакуют, и чудесным образом у кучки Союзников получается продержаться, пока не подходит подкрепление и не поворачивает ход сражения. Тот, кто писал сценарий этой серии, явно к настоящей армии и на тыщу километров не приближался.

Концовка, наверное – худшая часть. Сюжетная линия бртанцы/немцы становится нудной, поэтому ее быстро сворачивают, прописывают злодею самоубийство (в Вальпургиеву ночь – даааа, охрененно тонкий намек) и переключаются на войну между американцами и японцами в Тихом океане. Разделение такое же – японцы убивают, пытают, ставят на пленных медицинские опыты и, бля, играют в футбол головами убитых детей, а американцами руководит добрый дедушка в инвалидной коляске.

В общем, весь сезон капают на мозги, что японские острова – неприступная крепость, что японцы не сдадутся, что их не захватить, потому что они непобедимы… и тут до авторов доходит, что раз они не могут дать американцам захватить острова, то как же закончить сезон?

Для этого они выдумывают совершенно неправдоподобное супероружие, о котором никогда раньше не упоминали. Типа американцы собрали ученых, и те его изобрели, только мы ничего об этом не слышали – «засекречено», ха. Значит, за два года ученые изобретают оружие в тыщу раз сильнее, чем все остальное, вместе взятое – естественно, на основе древних мистических текстов. А потом они эти оружием взрывают несколько японских городов, и японцы сдаются. Удобно, а?

…А потом, на протяжении всех следующих серий, пяти или шести разных больших войн, супероружие больше вообще не используют. Там такая буча про войну во Вьетнаме, типа она длится десятилетиями, и убиты десятки тысяч человек, и никто не может додуматься до того, что может быть, бля, пора, бля, снова жахнуть непобедимым мистическим супероружием, которым они выиграли прошлую войну. Тут начинаешь задумываться, а вообще кто-нибудь из сценаристов смотрел прошлые серии?

И я уже молчу про сюжетную ветку про взлом секретного кода (гениально названного «Секрет», потому что сценаристы не могут себе позволить потратить больше двух секунд на придумывание названия секретного кода), гигантский сверхразумный компьютер «Колосс» (несмотря на то что даже транзистор еще не изобрели!), советского крутого парня, чье имя переводится с русского как «Стальной Человек» (реально, крутого парня обозвали «Стальной Человек», француза – «Галл», пристрелить бы того, кто придумал все эти имена).

Так что да, не смотрите Исторический Канал, ну его. В отличие от большинства других сетей, они даже не пытаются сделать свои передачи хоть насколько-нибудь реалистичными.

@темы: repost



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Name of the Wind и продолжение данной книженции Wise Man's Fear - лучшая героика последнего времени. Особенно если дело закончится третьей частью, как и обещал автор.

Так вот, оказывается, первая часть еще давно - до того, кака я ее прочитал - была переведена на русский язык.

Я достал перевод.

Это пиздец, граждане товарищи.

Только один пример, а дальше сами делайте выводы.

Возлюбленная главгероя, музыкант, не хочет сообщать ему имя своего спонсора. Тогда главгерой придумывает ему обзывалку - Master Ash. Девушка замечает: "Надо же, как ты догадался."

"Ash" отечественный гений перевел как "Ясень".
Справочно: главгада зовут Cinder.
Я даже не представляю, как они извратятся над Неталией Локлесс во второй части (настоящее имя тетеньки, которую в первой части грохнул Cinder).

Научный интерес: если переводчика пиздануть молотком по голове, он заметит?

Научный интерес 2: как перевели дебильную шутку про анус в Гарри Поттере?

@темы: fvck



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
20 апреля:

«Отдельные таланты в сетке придумали блокировать ввод пароля после трех неверных вводов, для разблокировки нужен админ.

То есть, например, я хочу вам нагадить. Я знаю ваш логин (а может и не знаю; может, я написал скриптег и гажу методом перебора всем подряд). Делаю по три попытки на юзверя.

Сюрприз админу.»

И уже месяц у нас повально блокируются юзеры.

@темы: уши


Переименовал чара

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Главгада конкретно. В оригинале у него была только фамилия, вместо имени я поставил плейсхолдер по созвучию с названием пригорода Аделаиды, просто так, от балды. Сейчас имя "в честь" одновременно польской художницы и персонажа японской видеоигры (фирмы Капком - ненавижу сквиникс). Подходит. Думаю, так и останется.

Главгероя тогда "звали" МС или ММ, тоже под настроение. В конце концов я содрал имя из книжки известного автора фэнтези, ныне покойного. А что - книжки в public domain, suck it up. Подходит идеально.

Главную героиню "звали" Лейла, как в сказке Ремизова. Текущее имя - "в честь" английского летчика. Девушка тоже будет летать, правда, своеобразным способом.

@темы: revival



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Еду в метро. Вижу - хипстер в футболке, на футболке нарисован геймпад Нинтендо.
Подумал - а вот такую бы футболку на девушку.
"Я тебе покажу фаталити, извращенец!"
Тупо лыбился всю дорогу.
Спать хочу. Просто хочу, без девушек. Вот и лезет в голову всякое, гм, фаталити.

Спать хочу, потому что сидел за арканумом.
Арканум являет собой еще один пример старой истины "в ролевой игре проще делать добро, если на чаршите написано 'злой' ". Лучшее по насыщенности сюжета, количеству видимого контента и "хорошести концовки" - вариант за злого мага, заточенного на попиздеть. Конкретно - вот:

Huh, this thread is still alive?

Easiest and most story-rich build: the talky mage. Almost no combat skills, no difficulty fighting.

Start as human and sell your soul for the alignment ceiling at -20. Magickal aptitude is not important; the important thing is that the good path is richer in story content, but the most awesome NPC only joins evil characters - and by the time you can ignore that restriction he'll be too low a level. Selling your soul keeps your karma well grounded while you're free to do good deeds.

Get the first two spells in Force. Force is better than Dark Necromancy: Shield will be useful to protect NPCs and Jolt is THE combat spell for the immediate future and a leveling tool until early 30s. Buy a set of lockpicks if you want to; you'll find a set past the first town. Get a dagger if there's leftover money, but do battles with Jolt (meaning at high mana).

Get Virgil, kill wolves one by one, waiting for the mana to regen or just by resting. I clear the surface by sunset, then descend into the cave. Kill the assassin because why not. Don't clear the passage: Sogg is waiting. Get a point of Persuasion, then collect Sogg. With Sogg in party, do the small SH quests, clear the mine, rob the bank by staying late inside (no need for lockpicks, but invest in Unlocking cantrip because it'll come in handy eventually), immediately tell Doc Roberts on your "partner" and be prepared to defend the bank come morning.

The thieves on the bridge are still kinda tough, so persuade them to leave, then immediately go into battle mode and throw a grenade their way (may require a couple retries - but you can save in combat). This won't give an additional Fate point since the unofficial patch, so what? The heavy jacket is neat (and can be fully repaired if damaged by the blast).

Here I go to Tarant for the Smoking Jacket and the CH blessing, sidetracking to the Wolf Cave for the lockpicks. The jacket, the two blessings and the two buffs take care of the talky part. In the meantime, I raise WP for Jolt and Unlocking to be of some use, and invest in CH because I plan to leave the environs of Tarant as an Expert in Persuasion. I also take care to not try any tricks of the trade on the Expert trainer, since her Rep is bugged. Some points go to IN because self-respect matters (also, three spell slots mean that I can stack beauty buffs - yes, they stack). I tour the bars and answer riddles, buy Dread Armor, mana staves and boots of +speed. Sogg, meanwhile, does fine with the enchanted sword until we arrive at Ashbury around level 14 where he gets a katana.

We get Dog (awesome) and Geoffrey (fun to watch him wet his pants in the temple) and raid the cemetery (exception: elementals), the two Torian Kel dungeons and the Ashbury castle (exception: the innermost room, unless we get lucky and the fight bugs out). If there's still xp to go until level 20, we tour the Tarant sewers some more, then go pick up Torian Kel (finally!).

At this point we have three heavy hitters, a healer, a distraction machine and a (bad) tank. Now we're almost invincible, at least until weapon- and armor-damaging monsters become staple (they do, right now - what a coincidence).

Fortunately, one unbreakable weapon is found the in BMC mines, and until I get my - that is, Sogg's or TK's - hands upon it, Shielded Dog does the fighting, with brief appearances from Jolt. I collect the staves from the casters (so they wouldn't break them) and use them interchangeably as mana runs out and regens. Complex IN checks are handled via potion.

The important thing for a talky mage is to save before an important conversation. Some convos are plain bugged, and in those that aren't you never know if you are better off being naturally polite in response to initial rudeness (thus raising the base line) or going in at full power.

At low 20s, Teleport is available (walking is for peasants and trains are off limits with Dog), and at high 20s I'm ready to be a master of persuasion. Level 30 sees me to CH 20 if so inclined and 25 unassigned points can buy me 5 schools of magic (or one random skill and 2 schools of magic, etc).

And that's sacrificing everything for the sake of the story. More reasonably built chars should do much, much better.

@темы: репост, арканум


Приснился бред

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Как будто меня повязали за антироссийскую деятельность, подкинув наркотиков.
Телерепортеры меня снимали, но мельком, как бытовую интересность.
Голос репортера: "...арестован торговец смертью..."
Я почему-то был в каком-то совершенно безобидном прикиде, ну одно слово, картинко. Помахал рукой в камеру, сказал: "Привет, я торговец смертью."
Потом отпустили под подписку.
Я выслушал от родителей, как позорю семью и порчу им "социальный капитал", после чего ходил по какому-то торговому центру, искал где пожрать, купил каких-то пирожных с кремом, выкушал и пошел дальше заниматься подрывной деятельностью.


@темы: ыть


Educate the masses

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Электронные книжки в Британии стоят на полтора фунта дороже бумажных.
The average price was £4.56, up from £3.93 in 2009, and more than £1.50 higher than the equivalent physical book.
Это реклама охуевших британских издательств и канала bookz.

@темы: subvertising


Единицы измерения

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
The world is made of cities, and the spaces between them. And people, and the spaces between them. --Хуэй Лин-Лим

— Аааааа, не получается-а-а-а-а-а! — ныл десятилетний я.
— Что не получается? Ну, восемьдесят, это правильный ответ.
— Да, но нужно-то силу, в ньютонах! А у меня тут, я посчитал единицы измерения... вот, смотрите! Килограмм, на метр, и еще делить на секунду в квадрате! Перепроверял, все равно так! Ниче не сокращается, — я беспомощно развел руками.
— Так килограмм на метр на секунду в квадрате - это и есть ньютон.
И тогда я достиг просветления.

Второй раз я так же проникся, когда осознал, для чего в программе нужны переменные. Тоже в десять лет.

Вот я думаю - может, того, найти просветителей в соцсетях, сказать спасибо, рассказать про мое житье-бытье?

А, впрочем, не стОит. Человеку, который меня учил английскому, мое спасибо, как оказалось, нахуй не нужно.

Нет, ну а что я ожидал?

Но все равно немного обидно. Думаю - вот если бы мне кто сказал, что я его жизнь изменил в резко лучшую сторону, я бы был нереально доволен.

Ага, как я думал, что $500 в месяц мне за глаза хватит.

*sigh* x2

@темы: sigh


Издатели в США воруют деньги авторов

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
занижают цифры продаж печатных книг и бесстыдно врут про электронные


Hoist the Jolly Roger.

@темы: repost


Ща скажу бред

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Отдельные таланты в сетке придумали блокировать ввод пароля после трех неверных вводов, для разблокировки нужен админ.

То есть, например, я хочу вам нагадить. Я знаю ваш логин (а может и не знаю; может, я написал скриптег и гажу методом перебора всем подряд). Делаю по три попытки на юзверя.

Сюрприз админу.

@темы: алерт


premonition ftw

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.

@темы: repost


счастливое будущее

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.

@темы: lawl


Тальк "Никсон" - дрянь! - 2: Electric Boogaloo.

БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Done with Wise Man's Fear.

All in all, an enjoyable book, except:

1. Too many hanging frayed plot threads.
(Yes, I'm aware that's how it happens in real life. I'm also aware that people don't speak in books like they do in real life. Like, interjections and, uhm, stuff. Also, incomplete sentences.) Three chapters for a hangover, one paragraph for a stereotypically eventful sea journey (storm, pirates, etc). There's no rhyme or reason for these elaboration discrepancies. (Maybe the author doesn't know nautical terms. I found the book extremely easy to read, which wouldn't be the case if it was peppered with dictionary-class words.)

2. Title, WTF.
Other reviewers complain about lack of an antagonist, which is unfair to a loooong slice-of-life. The overarching theme is myth-busting (digging for facts) and myth-building (obfuscating facts): the hero searches for some info on the legendary villains and legendary badasses of yore, and the things that happen while he's at it become legends in their own right. "Things" have to do with magic, or love, or both. "Name of the Wind" refers to the hero searching for true magic (which is very rare and considered fiction by many), in particular, "the ever-changing name of the wind", and true wuv (by analogy, also presumed fictitious), embodied by a woman who keeps changing her name to evade suitors.
The words "wise man's fear" are encountered once, as a title drop, and refer to "the anger of a gentle man". Aaaaand... it is completely absent from the book. In 1000+ pages, no one suffers ill consequences for getting gentle men angry. In fact, no gentle men ever get angry. Wut.

3. No advancement of the overarching plot.
Disappointing, to say the least. The one revealed new fact was that the villains are a lot less powerful and mystical than the first book suggested. This would be a good development for a book espousing the virtues of enlightenment (think a glorified Scooby-Doo), but this book is very clear that stuff in the past was actually better: awesome magical artefacts, secrets and legacies abound. The first book had Harry Potter vs. Sauron and his nazguls. This book has Sailor Moon vs. generic bandit leader (Wiz 5, notable equipment: scroll of teleport, tactics: intended recurring villain, teleports the fuck away, does not engage the PCs for fear of being RLT'ed). If the trend continues, the third book will have Superman vs. kindergarteners playing cops and robbers.

4. As-you-know induced stupidity.
There's some decent culture-building, which goes along well with myth-building and myth-busting. However, for some reason (possibly to inject drama) the facts are not presented in an offhand manner, or explicitly as first-person author's words, but as "hero does something extremely retarded and gets chastised". Terribad.

5. Bad feminism.
Not terribad, just the regular flavor of bad. The default culture is patriarchal with all the prejudice against females taken for granted, the counterpart culture is matriarchal with all the prejudice against males taken for granted. The setup has a very "men from Mars, women from Venus" feel.

5.1. Actually, the culture itself is sort of meh: there are clever bits, but the result is pop-asian pop-communism. Airbrushed North Korea, seriously.

6. Gay issues fail.
Dear author: if you don't want gays in your book, gloss the issue over. But noooooo: first we have a faaaabuous artsy gay couple, then... nothing. There's that matriarchal society, where people believe sex and pregnancy are unrelated and men are completely unnecessary for conception (a more stupid version of patriarchal incubator women). When the hero brings up the correlation "no sex = no pregnancy", the woman he's talking to brushes it off with "who's so stupid as to abstain from sex?" Uhm... aren't there any lesbians then? No, they don't have any unreasonable taboos concerning sex. It just never occurs to any character or the author himself. Fail.

7. The ending of the main story falls flat.
The promised epic resolution the wrap-up chapters suggest is "My girlfriend had trouble breathing and I provided first aid by means of magic. Then we hang out and I got cockblocked." Which is a good way to make the reader know how a cockblock feels, but a shitty way to pause the narrative.
(The framing story has its high point immediately afterwards, which sort of offsets it.)

7.5. Motherfucking rosebud wallbanger finale DERP.
The main story in book 3 ends with the hero being remarkably rich, paying debts, repaying old favors and throwing a huge party. The source of his wealth is this: a wealthy noble has agreed to pay the hero's university tuition, and the hero subsequently strikes a private deal with the university treasurer to drive up the tuition and thus fleece the noble in exchange for a portion of the payment.
Now... brace for it...
Since tuition is set according to exam performance, he then proceeds to perform poorly at his end-of-term exams to rack up the tuition and thus get rich.
Well excuse me here.
It's one thing if the treasurer was sending fake requests for money and pocketing the difference. But this is not the case: the treasurer drafts exactly as much money from the noble as the ruling council sets, which should presumably all go into the treasury. The hero has no agreement with the ruling council; instead, he fucks up exams by saying stupid shit, being drunk, etc. In the very final chapter, one of the his enemies becomes chancellor and sets an outrageous tuition, the hero goes "haha pwnd" and uses the money to throw a party while laughing all the way. The whole thing reminds me of people on CharOp gloating about supposed "exploits" that do not actually work (and of Citizen Kane whom no one heard to say rosebud).

Moral: buy dead tree books. E-readers do not give the same satisfaction when thrown at the wall, their aerodynamics is all wrong.

8. Uhm I think you made a typo Eragon-level-originality DERP.
The shadow-cloak is named "shaed" in the faerie language (while the faerie language itself is yet another Elven). That's Saturday-morning-cartoon-subtle.

The good: everything else.
Daily events are believable, verbal quips are neat, children’s rhymes are still excellent and creepy, other poetry is still meh, the description of people’s perception of art is still awesome, major conflict resolutions are sufficiently epic.

Improvements (compared to Vol.1):
The characters in a framing story stopped being fucking annoying and started being really cool.
Jabs at the hereditary nobility. There *is* a stereotypical perfectly wise pop-zen-espousing community leader (meh), but hereditary nobility is mightily ridiculed and this is awesome.

@темы: bookz, repost



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
Да, и вот еще что.

Граждане, которые считают, что читать, смотреть и слушать в интернете - порядочно, а качать на носители к себе - нет:

Вы живете в двадцатом веке.

Во вконтактике медиа пиратские. На видеосайтах (кроме ютюба, где с этим борются) - тоже. Книжки пиратские сайты предлагают читать с браузера, чтобы зарабатывать на показах рекламы.

Если вы не знаете, что сайт официальный, и за просмотр/прослушивание/чтение автор получает деньги - или рекламирует себя таким образом - скорее всего, он их не получает.

И знаете что? Вот граждане с айфончиками и айпадиками, у них там закладочки и плейлистики и всякая радость. И они читают себе и слушают с интернетов, и никому ничего не платят. Потому что им и так хорошо. Им так удобнее. Зачем качать, когда можно слушать в любой момент, когда нравится? Я вот почти перестал делать локальные копии статей, сохраняю только цитаты и ссылки.

А у кого айпадиков нет, могут читать с экрана ПК. Это не очень удобно. Ну что же, такова цена неимения айпадика.
Заебись, а? Если ты бедный - читай с экрана, быдло, а чтобы сунуть в книжко/плеер/телевизор - покупай. Если ты богатый, то бери на халяву, мы не возражаем. Деньги к деньгам.

Вот мне интересно: у меня есть сайт. Нормальный сайт, не бложик, я за него хостеру денежку плачу. Если я буду делать зеркала всего и вся на этом сайте, а потом читать/слушать/смотреть оттуда через 4G, это морально или нет? А если поставлю туда рекламу? А если буду брать за это денежку (и не делиться с авторами - я же не позволяю качать)?

Динозаврики, гы.

@темы: kthx



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.

You know, I think the media really fucked up when they called it "software piracy".
Everyone WANTS to be a pirate.
If they'd called it "software faggotry" everyone would still buy all their shit.


@темы: kthx



БУ-принтер гораздо хуже БУ-бабы. БУ-бабе износу нет, опыт плюсом и картриджи сама меняет.
"Bad books on writing and thoughtless English professors solemnly tell beginners to write what you know, which explains why so many mediocre novels are about English professors contemplating adultery."
—Joe Haldeman

Now, while the idea ascribed to these words is WRONG for the above reason, there are at least two senses in which they are right.

First, you should fucking know what you write about. That means, and I can't emphasize that enough, NOT "write about your dreary shit life". "Don't write shit" takes precedence over anything and everything. Write about your life only if it's actually exciting. If it isn't, get an awesome idea, RESEARCH IT, then write.

Second, it just happens that the best art is created by specialists... in a way.

Professor M.A.R. Barker is a linguist and a SE Asia historian, he designed the most consistent and beautiful imaginary world.
Frank Trollman is a doctor, he wrote the best sci-fi book on medicine.
Jim Walls was a policeman, he wrote the best police procedural story. (retired)
Henry Darger was stark raving mad, he wrote the best fantasy book. (deceased)
Stephen Kenson is married to a practicing warlock and probably absorbed some of the knowledge, he wrote the best (fiction) book on magic and spirits.
Will Crowther was a caver, he wrote the best dungeon adventure game. (retired)
Loyd Blankenship was a hacker, he wrote the best (fiction) book on hacking (which got SJ Games raided by the US Secret Service, it was that good). (retired)
Fred Rogers was a saint, he created the best children's programme. (deceased)

note: this is copied from a PM, which of course will never be reposted in its entirety

@темы: repost